Month end

Aka the day I may actually slap someone if they push me too hard. Here’s to an 11 hour work day. Come here klonipin, coffee, and earbuds.

Oh and

My mom and I have set a quit smoking date for next Monday. I’ve scaled back to around 8 a day, so I’m ready to put them down for good. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

"You know, when you think about it, prayer is just wishing good energies onto someone. I’m pretty sure that even if we can’t know if there is a "god" that good things happen when enough good energy comes together. I’ll send you all of mine to help as well. I love you honey. You can handle whatever life throws at you because you have awesome people around you to help. ❤️❤️"


Thank you, BFF. You get it and this helped me tremendously. I love you.

Oh and my sister is doing amazing! Her incision looks great and her voice is still there. Even better? She kicked cancer’s ass and is now cancer free! She said it hurts to smile right now though, so I’m smiling for her. 
(Please do not Reblog)

Oh and my sister is doing amazing! Her incision looks great and her voice is still there. Even better? She kicked cancer’s ass and is now cancer free! She said it hurts to smile right now though, so I’m smiling for her.
(Please do not Reblog)

On a positive note, my new glasses are Fabbbbuloussss!

On a positive note, my new glasses are Fabbbbuloussss!

I wish I could go back to being a child. Even though I had a horrendous childhood filled with some pretty heavy things, I would give anything to have that naivety back. The naivety that I lost way too early and reflected on way too often as an adult. You know, where you thought money was an endless source, where all things were made better by a kiss on your boo boos, the only worries you had were what toys to play with or what to wear to the first day of school, death and sickness were kept from you, people loved you just because, and that blissful ignorance to hurt.

My family has had their fair share of hurt and downfalls recently. My son’s appendicitis, my grandma’s open heart surgery, my mama’s constant back pain, my dad’s attempted suicide, and my sister’s recent cancer.

Now my family has been dealt another blow. My grandma’s heart valve is diseased and she’s facing another open heart surgery if they can get her stable. She’s the matriarch of the family. The glue that binds us together. She raised me and my sister and to see her in this pain and knowing her odds is heart wrenching. I don’t know how to “fix” her.

I know death is inevitable. I know that we all face that eventually, but the thought of her not being here with us is more than I can bear at the moment. I have a pretty good handle on the idea of death and coping. I grieve, I’m angered, I accept, and I’m the strong one once it comes.

I wish I could have the faith that my aunt, grandma, and sister have, but that left me when I grew up too. I want so badly to believe in the power of healing through prayer like I did when I was little. So instead, I’ll keep on the positive side of thinking and hope that those of you that do pray, will do her and I some good. I’ll keep her doctors on my heart and send them well wishes for steady hands and the knowledge to help her. I’ll probably pray myself. I’ll ask for whoever or whatever is out there to help or at least comfort her. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.

6 years later

When I’m having a bad “fat” day, I look at old pictures. He loved me at my heaviest and he loves me all the same, if not more, now. He’s my calm in the storm, my support and cheerleader through bad times, he’s the light in my life, he shares in my joy, my grief, my accomplishments, and to top it off? My absolute best friend. And now I get to wake up next to him and tell him how much I love him every morning for the rest of our lives. So thankful and so fortunate to know this man. I love you, honey.

Game of Swords

Has proved difficult for me to finish after reading the Red Wedding. It’s replaying in my head over and over and ugh. Then all of a sudden some of my favorites are being slaughtered. Thanks George. Oh and totally pissed at the show because come on! Why didn’t they put Strong Belwas in the show? He’s freaking great! And not to even mention the awesome that is the Red Viper. Come on, HBO. You have to be true to the series. George warned you.

Just read the books. So good. So freaking good.

Big hair. Like whoa. I need a haircut, or a straightener. Either would work.

Big hair. Like whoa. I need a haircut, or a straightener. Either would work.